A Maple Leaf by any other name...

So early on I decided not to be Andrew here. Seeing as no one knows me as anything but Elder McLeish I could go with what I want. (Who am I kidding, nobody even remembered me. I could have told them I'm the new Canadian Ambassador.) So I wanted to go with Andres, in a nod to Carlos and especially Matt, who's calls me that all the time, but kind of settled on Andrea in the end, that being the most Albanian way of translating Andrew. The reason? I hate (HATE) the way Albanians pronounce Andrew. Hate It! First off, they can't get the American "A" right. Now I know it's not the Continent's fault English had a big vowel shift in the second half of the last millennium, and that the North Americans further butchered our vowels to the point of indistinction in some cases, but there are very few people who can get me name right. And it bugs the crap out of me. The worst is when, after a while, or adding me on facebook, find out its not Andrea, then they really lean into the Andrew. The end of sounding like three yr. olds trying to sound out a new word. (can three yr. olds read? Five yr. olds?)

Een-drr00

They do an "An" like in An-gel. They can't do a "DR" dipthong, so it's a very distinct D-R with a roll or two of the tongue on the R, and lastly a pronounced "OO" sound instead of a proper N. American flat "Ugh"

Some people say it and I swear it curls my spine.

And of course there's different translations, each more incorrect than the last. The worst part is when they find out my real name, every time the see me they're like school kids saying the only English they know, "Oh Endru, How are you, How are you?" Grown men making fools of themselves.

Which leads me to my next rant. I hate(HATE) it when people speak to me in English. Hate It! again, people can usually tell I'm foreign, and everyone here knows some English, ranging from a few phrases, to fluency. Fine congrats, I'm not impressed. The problem is the think I will be impressed. Early on in any relationship/interaction with an Albanian I decide, does this person know English better than I know Albanian. 95% of the time, the answers no, and I ignore English comments and speak Albanian.

Example story = I was buying a new phone card, and wanted to know about the plan I was gonna purchase. Nice cute counter girl, sees that I'm foreign, thinks to herself I'm gonna get to practice my English I've worked so hard to learn. Fine. The problem is I've learned Albanian better than she speaks English. I ask her, in not perfect, but completely understandable Albanian, can you explain the features of this plan. She responds in Enlgish "Oh y-you wan't with buy a telefon kart? I half smile, and continue in Albanian, "yes specifically I'd like to know how your mobile internet prices work. " She valiantly tries a second time, "You want know a-about Internet." I sigh, grimace, and then in an even normal tone respond in English, "Fine, what can you tell me about the mobile internet rates for your company." She squints at me a little, looking perplexed and responds, "C-can you repeat p-please question mor slowly? At which point I repeat it, in Albanian, she gives up on the English, and in the end proved quite helpful. In fact she made the sale. But it bugged the crap out of me?

Now I hear you saying "But Andrew, isn't that exactly the same as you going to Mexico and brutalizing their language ordering Cassidillas and Pina Coladas even though they speak way better English than you speak Spanish? No! It's not the same! And do you know why? Cause I was in Mexico! Now if I was working the counter at Wendys, and a person of obvious Latin decent came up to my till ordered a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger in fine passable English and I started into my " uhh te qiere, uh coca-cola con tu uh berger?" that would be the same! That would be rude as hell! And if he punched me in the face, I wouldn't blame him. But Albanians don't get this. Cause they have no experience dealing with foreigners. Which is why I haven't punched anyone out yet. I've got this giant target on my back because everyone sees me as a chance to practice their crappy English. And in some cases their French. Or strangely enough Italian. And I'm losing patience. I'm not a missionary any more, I'm not morally obligated to stand there grinning like an idiot while grown men try and show of their English skills for their buddies cause they spent two years in London (illegally of course.)

Sigh...